[Sunday soccer games]
["ultra"]
[downtown things]
[lovely store]
[simple things]
[parking garage things]
[end of a day]
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Finishing
Finishing.
It's something I regard highly, yet I've learned to realize that it's a high regard that has often held me back. For instance, I want to finish everything so badly that a fear of not being able to follow through with things keeps me from even starting.
It's stupid, really.
I want to learn other languages, so I research methods and order a course. Then the course sits there in its nice little box staring at me, taunting me. Because I know that once I start it, I either finish it...or quit.
I want to write a book someday and often have fun story line ideas. Sometimes I even outline plots during free moments in my days. But actually starting those projects, actually setting up that Word doc, actually typing those first few lines--well, that's the hardest part. Because once I do that, then there's only two options: finish...or quit.
And the list goes on to art projects, musical instruments, dreams, dreams, and more dreams. Things that I'd really like to do yet keep putting off because I'm not sure if I can finish them.
And yet slowly, I'm learning that finishing isn't really all that important. I can start and learn to love the doing, really love the process even if it never reaches completion. And it's been a beautiful discovery, one I'm slowly but surely learning to embrace a bit more with each new challenge, each new dream.
So.
It's something I regard highly, yet I've learned to realize that it's a high regard that has often held me back. For instance, I want to finish everything so badly that a fear of not being able to follow through with things keeps me from even starting.
It's stupid, really.
I want to learn other languages, so I research methods and order a course. Then the course sits there in its nice little box staring at me, taunting me. Because I know that once I start it, I either finish it...or quit.
I want to write a book someday and often have fun story line ideas. Sometimes I even outline plots during free moments in my days. But actually starting those projects, actually setting up that Word doc, actually typing those first few lines--well, that's the hardest part. Because once I do that, then there's only two options: finish...or quit.
And the list goes on to art projects, musical instruments, dreams, dreams, and more dreams. Things that I'd really like to do yet keep putting off because I'm not sure if I can finish them.
And yet slowly, I'm learning that finishing isn't really all that important. I can start and learn to love the doing, really love the process even if it never reaches completion. And it's been a beautiful discovery, one I'm slowly but surely learning to embrace a bit more with each new challenge, each new dream.
So.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Most Days
6:30am and the alarm goes off. This is an hour after K's alarm goes off and right about the time that she's heading out the door. That's really the only set thing in my days right now.
I mean, there are certain things that happen most days. Most days I start off the morning with a run. Then some Daily Audio Bible. Then a shower. Then breakfast. Then catching up on world news that happened while I slept.
Then answering emails, checking in with friends, getting back to clients.
Most days I set up a few playlists to get myself ready for the spurts of work throughout the rest of the day.
And by "set up" I really mean "find a few playlists other people have made online." It's a great arrangement, really.
Most days I focus on hacking out my desired work quota for the day. With random breaks for things like changing the laundry, doing the dishes. A bit of reading here and there. A semi-random ab workout.
Most days end up having a cup of tea appear in them somewhere. Sometimes a smoothie. Always a craving for something sweet.
Most days I try to be done with work by the time I need to go for an evening run and then cook dinner. Most days I am completely unproductive work-wise after dinner. Most days this is frustrating to myself. After all, during college I always was most productive after dinner on most days.
Most days I'm in bed by 10:30, ready for that alarm to go off in 8 hours.
And some days I'm ok with this little semi-routine of mine.
But most days I want more.
.....
So here's to no more of these "most days." Here's to making every day a new day, every day a new opportunity to embrace.
And hopefully, hopefully I'll fall asleep knowing that I've done my best with the time I've been graciously given.
Most days.
I mean, there are certain things that happen most days. Most days I start off the morning with a run. Then some Daily Audio Bible. Then a shower. Then breakfast. Then catching up on world news that happened while I slept.
Then answering emails, checking in with friends, getting back to clients.
Most days I set up a few playlists to get myself ready for the spurts of work throughout the rest of the day.
And by "set up" I really mean "find a few playlists other people have made online." It's a great arrangement, really.
Most days I focus on hacking out my desired work quota for the day. With random breaks for things like changing the laundry, doing the dishes. A bit of reading here and there. A semi-random ab workout.
Most days end up having a cup of tea appear in them somewhere. Sometimes a smoothie. Always a craving for something sweet.
Most days I try to be done with work by the time I need to go for an evening run and then cook dinner. Most days I am completely unproductive work-wise after dinner. Most days this is frustrating to myself. After all, during college I always was most productive after dinner on most days.
Most days I'm in bed by 10:30, ready for that alarm to go off in 8 hours.
And some days I'm ok with this little semi-routine of mine.
But most days I want more.
.....
So here's to no more of these "most days." Here's to making every day a new day, every day a new opportunity to embrace.
And hopefully, hopefully I'll fall asleep knowing that I've done my best with the time I've been graciously given.
Most days.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Simply Being
Simply being. It's one of those things that I have a terribly difficult time with doing, and yet it's really just the simplest thing in the world to do.
To simply sit. And do nothing.
And not feel guilty about it.
I had plans for today. Plans I was excited about. Plans that involved a relaxing but satisfying 10 mile run. Plans that have been put on hold thanks to thunderstorms.
So I've had to switch my plans. It was tempting to tell myself that I needed to finish editing work for a client or start on a project for another client. It was difficult to let myself put aside that work until another day, to give myself a real weekend for once.
But I took the break. I brewed myself a delicious cup of tea. Turned up my Ron Pope Pandora station. Curled up on a large brown beanbag draped with a cloth from Costa Rica.
And watched the rain pour down.
And did nothing.
And it was beautiful. Simply Being.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Beachy
"And we were so much richer then
When all we had was time to spend" ~A, B, & the Sea
[...And spending time at the beach is one of the best investments, clearly.]
When all we had was time to spend" ~A, B, & the Sea
[...And spending time at the beach is one of the best investments, clearly.]
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Focus
"Creation is in part merely the business of foregoing the great and small distractions." ~E.B. White
I'm excellent at creating distractions. When I should be doing work I can often be found cleaning out the dust in my keyboard or cutting individual strands of hair in an attempt to rid my head of a few more split ends.
But I don't want this; distracting myself is not what I want to be excellent at.
I want to be excellent at creating.
So here's to a month of foregoing distractions. Here's to a month of creating and trying and learning and reading and running. Here's to a month of no longer putting off the things that need to be done.
[As a side note: I just finished putting together this scrapbook of a trip taken over a year ago. How embarrassing.]
I'm excellent at creating distractions. When I should be doing work I can often be found cleaning out the dust in my keyboard or cutting individual strands of hair in an attempt to rid my head of a few more split ends.
But I don't want this; distracting myself is not what I want to be excellent at.
I want to be excellent at creating.
So here's to a month of foregoing distractions. Here's to a month of creating and trying and learning and reading and running. Here's to a month of no longer putting off the things that need to be done.
[As a side note: I just finished putting together this scrapbook of a trip taken over a year ago. How embarrassing.]
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Snapshots
Running. Traveling. Friends. Snapshots of the past few months spent living out of a suitcase :)
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Lessons Learned
A year ago I was finishing up my last lab reports, frantically trying to cram a semester's worth of Diff EQ homework into a few mornings, getting shots and buying malaria medication, and discovering that my graduation gown (borrowed from my older brother) was significantly shinier than the new eco-friendly gowns recently purchased by the rest of my friends. I also had absolutely no idea what my life would look like after graduation, and I can safely say that sitting in a Panera in Missouri was probably not even on the list of possibilities.
Since then, I think I can safely say that I've learned a lot. I may not be finishing up my first semester of medical school as I originally had hoped, I may not be working on a fascinating research project, and I may not even have a "real" job, but I've still learned that....
1. People value "real" work far more than they'll ever actually admit. Being busy and "doing something" with your life is viewed as what all individuals should be doing--especially all college graduates. Since I haven't had a "real" job for the past year, I've been served plenty of delightful dishes of others' opinions on what I should be doing. What I'd like to tell most of these people is that I've learned to be grateful for not having a "real" job--if I had one, I wouldn't be traveling for a 7 weeks and taking days off whenever I jolly well please.
2. E'rybody thinks that I'm on some sort of hunt to find my husband, now that I've graduated from college. Seriously. It's a bit disturbing. Especially since the last guy who confessed feelings towards me also revealed that he thought living in his parents basement during the first year of his future marriage would be a grand plan.
3. God will always provide. Working on a week-to-week, day-to-day basis with my clients, I know that my source of income could collapse at any point in time. Sometimes this worries me, but I've learned to put aside these worries and trust that God will always provide me with what I need....even if it's through work that involves researching hundreds of colon-cleansing products.
4. I really like tortillas. (Ok, so this isn't exactly a new realization, but more of a rediscovery of my love for them.)
5. Sometimes all the training may not really matter. You can work hard throughout college for stellar grades, study your ass off for the MCAT...and still not get in to medical school. You can follow a marathon training schedule religiously and still have a run on the actual day that consists of more exhaustion and cramps than you ever thought possible. But in the end? It's all ok. You move on, you may work harder the next time, but you don't place blame on yourself.
6. 'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. Really. I don't think that I would have been able to get through the past year without learning this lesson--even though it's a lesson that I should (theoretically) already have learned.
....
and that was a terribly long post. Which I will end with a terribly random photo :)
Since then, I think I can safely say that I've learned a lot. I may not be finishing up my first semester of medical school as I originally had hoped, I may not be working on a fascinating research project, and I may not even have a "real" job, but I've still learned that....
1. People value "real" work far more than they'll ever actually admit. Being busy and "doing something" with your life is viewed as what all individuals should be doing--especially all college graduates. Since I haven't had a "real" job for the past year, I've been served plenty of delightful dishes of others' opinions on what I should be doing. What I'd like to tell most of these people is that I've learned to be grateful for not having a "real" job--if I had one, I wouldn't be traveling for a 7 weeks and taking days off whenever I jolly well please.
2. E'rybody thinks that I'm on some sort of hunt to find my husband, now that I've graduated from college. Seriously. It's a bit disturbing. Especially since the last guy who confessed feelings towards me also revealed that he thought living in his parents basement during the first year of his future marriage would be a grand plan.
3. God will always provide. Working on a week-to-week, day-to-day basis with my clients, I know that my source of income could collapse at any point in time. Sometimes this worries me, but I've learned to put aside these worries and trust that God will always provide me with what I need....even if it's through work that involves researching hundreds of colon-cleansing products.
4. I really like tortillas. (Ok, so this isn't exactly a new realization, but more of a rediscovery of my love for them.)
5. Sometimes all the training may not really matter. You can work hard throughout college for stellar grades, study your ass off for the MCAT...and still not get in to medical school. You can follow a marathon training schedule religiously and still have a run on the actual day that consists of more exhaustion and cramps than you ever thought possible. But in the end? It's all ok. You move on, you may work harder the next time, but you don't place blame on yourself.
6. 'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. Really. I don't think that I would have been able to get through the past year without learning this lesson--even though it's a lesson that I should (theoretically) already have learned.
....
and that was a terribly long post. Which I will end with a terribly random photo :)
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Happy Things
1. Being done with The Beast.
2. Getting to see a dear friend 4 weekends in a row
3. Having only one week left till I'm leaving on a jet plane...and being thrilled over the aspect of getting to see/live with friends for the next 6+ weeks
4. Knowing that in a week and a half I'll be done with my first marathon
5. Enjoying a steady stream of work, even if it means getting up at 3am to finish an assignment because I was too tired after my long run the previous day to do anything productive
6. Stocking up on books to read while traveling
7. Seeing sunshine, even it it's still cold outside, and the sunshine only occasionally breaks through the rainclouds
8. Hearing a song by Ebo Taylor on this week's We Are Hunted playlist...and being instantly taken back to a hot, bumpy ride in a van in Ghana
2. Getting to see a dear friend 4 weekends in a row
3. Having only one week left till I'm leaving on a jet plane...and being thrilled over the aspect of getting to see/live with friends for the next 6+ weeks
4. Knowing that in a week and a half I'll be done with my first marathon
5. Enjoying a steady stream of work, even if it means getting up at 3am to finish an assignment because I was too tired after my long run the previous day to do anything productive
6. Stocking up on books to read while traveling
7. Seeing sunshine, even it it's still cold outside, and the sunshine only occasionally breaks through the rainclouds
8. Hearing a song by Ebo Taylor on this week's We Are Hunted playlist...and being instantly taken back to a hot, bumpy ride in a van in Ghana
Sunday, March 18, 2012
One Week
One week, and I'll be done with The Beast once and for all. It shall be grand.
Up until then, however, I'll be hitting the studying So Much so that Being Done will be even more exciting than it is now. (Yes, that does make sense.)
And the studying will involve lots of this (ing):
And hopefully by the end of this week the weather will warm up and I won't have to watch snow fall outside my window anymore. Snowfall and wild plum blossoms don't belong in the same season.
Up until then, however, I'll be hitting the studying So Much so that Being Done will be even more exciting than it is now. (Yes, that does make sense.)
And the studying will involve lots of this (ing):
And hopefully by the end of this week the weather will warm up and I won't have to watch snow fall outside my window anymore. Snowfall and wild plum blossoms don't belong in the same season.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Wisdom from Winnie
"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.
.....So true, Pooh. So true.
[And yes, "What's for breakfast?" is among my first thoughts in the morning. Possibly only second to "sooooo hungery..."]
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Marching On
It's almost March?!?
I know February is a short month and all...but still--the thought of March almost being here excites and surprises me. I'm eager for spring and summer to finally roll around--not because I have any real plans yet, but more because their arrival always helps me to actually make real plans...if that makes sense? Plus, I want to frolic around in the warmth and sun again.
Also, by the end of March I'll be done with studying, and by halfway through April I'll be done with this marathon madness. Both my brain and my knees will benefit from the arrival of summer.
But until then, I'll just keep reading, learning, running, and icing my knees.
And writing.
And eating ice cream.
I know February is a short month and all...but still--the thought of March almost being here excites and surprises me. I'm eager for spring and summer to finally roll around--not because I have any real plans yet, but more because their arrival always helps me to actually make real plans...if that makes sense? Plus, I want to frolic around in the warmth and sun again.
Also, by the end of March I'll be done with studying, and by halfway through April I'll be done with this marathon madness. Both my brain and my knees will benefit from the arrival of summer.
But until then, I'll just keep reading, learning, running, and icing my knees.
And writing.
And eating ice cream.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
23?
Ah, yes. The first post from my life as a mature, wise 23 year old. I feel like I should put up some great reflections on my past year of life.
....or not. [Current thoughts instead--]
1. It is a very, very bad plan to run 14miles after a breakfast of cake and a banana.
2. It actually is possible to complete a 14mile run after the previously mentioned breakfast. It's just a bad plan and your body will hate you for it.
3. I don't do laundry often enough to know if my jeans are tight because of massively larger muscles or just because they're not stretched out from weeks of wear.
4. I've been in a country music funk for a very, very long time now.
5. Teaching myself to be content in all circumstances is a beastly task. St.Paul has my admiration more than ever.
6. I miss having easy access to a stellar camera.
7. Tax forms for the self-employed are terribly confusing.
8. The thought of getting to see a whole posse of stellar people in about two months is supa exciting.
9. I miss dancing.
10. All those cheap RoseArt crayons that I hated in elementary school have finally found their purpose in life.
....or not. [Current thoughts instead--]
1. It is a very, very bad plan to run 14miles after a breakfast of cake and a banana.
2. It actually is possible to complete a 14mile run after the previously mentioned breakfast. It's just a bad plan and your body will hate you for it.
3. I don't do laundry often enough to know if my jeans are tight because of massively larger muscles or just because they're not stretched out from weeks of wear.
4. I've been in a country music funk for a very, very long time now.
5. Teaching myself to be content in all circumstances is a beastly task. St.Paul has my admiration more than ever.
6. I miss having easy access to a stellar camera.
7. Tax forms for the self-employed are terribly confusing.
8. The thought of getting to see a whole posse of stellar people in about two months is supa exciting.
9. I miss dancing.
10. All those cheap RoseArt crayons that I hated in elementary school have finally found their purpose in life.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
How Forever Feels
From the random reading of Mer:
[taken from the BBC's list of predictions for what life will be like in 100 years from now]
"I think we will certainly see some weaker forms of marriage that are designed to last a decade or two rather than a whole lifetime, but traditional marriage will still be an option. Increasing longevity is the key - if you marry at 20 and live to well over 100, that is far too long a commitment. People will want marriages that aren't necessarily forever, but don't bankrupt them when they end."
This sounds terrible to me. Maybe I'm a terribly idealistic, old fashioned child, but in the charming words of Kenny Chesney...."I wanna know how forever feels..."
Because forever sounds better than the uncertainty that would accompany a 10 year marriage plan.
[Also--Engagement pics can be either really fun or really awkward to shoot. I'm hoping the next round fall into the first category.]
[taken from the BBC's list of predictions for what life will be like in 100 years from now]
"I think we will certainly see some weaker forms of marriage that are designed to last a decade or two rather than a whole lifetime, but traditional marriage will still be an option. Increasing longevity is the key - if you marry at 20 and live to well over 100, that is far too long a commitment. People will want marriages that aren't necessarily forever, but don't bankrupt them when they end."
This sounds terrible to me. Maybe I'm a terribly idealistic, old fashioned child, but in the charming words of Kenny Chesney...."I wanna know how forever feels..."
Because forever sounds better than the uncertainty that would accompany a 10 year marriage plan.
[Also--Engagement pics can be either really fun or really awkward to shoot. I'm hoping the next round fall into the first category.]
Friday, January 6, 2012
upUPandAWAY
I love the Portland airport.
I'd love it more if the mini Powells bookstore with its wonderful selection of discount books was actually ever close to my departure gate. As it stands, I feel like my flight is always out of a gate where the nearest form of entertaining media is found in the Travel Mart.
And Travel Mart really doesn't compare at all to Powells wonderfulness. All that's at Travel Mart is an awkwardly large selection of men's magazines and an employee who heavily resembles Dwight Shrute.
Neither of these facts appeals to me.
Nonetheless, I still hope and pray that 2012 contains lots of adventures with going places, Powells located conveniently or not.
I'd love it more if the mini Powells bookstore with its wonderful selection of discount books was actually ever close to my departure gate. As it stands, I feel like my flight is always out of a gate where the nearest form of entertaining media is found in the Travel Mart.
And Travel Mart really doesn't compare at all to Powells wonderfulness. All that's at Travel Mart is an awkwardly large selection of men's magazines and an employee who heavily resembles Dwight Shrute.
Neither of these facts appeals to me.
Nonetheless, I still hope and pray that 2012 contains lots of adventures with going places, Powells located conveniently or not.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Hello, 2012
I realize I'm [slightly] late on this entry, but I have a good excuse--I was too busy spending time with wonderful people to hermit away online.
With that said, this past year has been a joyous, frustrating, strengthening, discouraging, and beautiful one.
I:
*Made new friendships and strengthened old ones
*Learned how to ski. Sorta.
*Completed my senior paper. And managed to spell a word incorrectly throughout the entire thing.
*Took [many] pictures of which I'm proud
*Ran 3 miles while sharing a pair of headphones with a friend
*Took DiffEQ. And chose sleep over studying most of the time.
*Graduated from college
*[Re]took the MCAT
*Tossed out job applications like a clown with balloons
*Traveled to Tamale, Ghana
*Discussed Sean Paul on a radio station for thousands of listeners [wait...what?!?]
*Saw one of my best friends get married. And had another get engaged
*Wrote 27,000+ words on a book idea
*Cried more than any other year that I can remember
*Rediscovered how much I love watercolors
*Listened to an embarrassing amount of country music
*Wrote articles on everything from colon cleansers to the evolution of cycling shoes
*Learned to trust God more and more in everything, every day, every step.
....and now I suppose I should come up with some sort of list of resolutions for this new year. but I"m feeling too lazy for that right now. I know that 2012 will hold many memories and opportunities that I can't even imagine right now. This makes me both excited and slightly nervous. I spent a good part of the first day of 2012 throwing up [virus, not alcohol], but I'm trusting that the rest of the year is significantly better :)
With that said, this past year has been a joyous, frustrating, strengthening, discouraging, and beautiful one.
I:
*Made new friendships and strengthened old ones
*Learned how to ski. Sorta.
*Completed my senior paper. And managed to spell a word incorrectly throughout the entire thing.
*Took [many] pictures of which I'm proud
*Ran 3 miles while sharing a pair of headphones with a friend
*Took DiffEQ. And chose sleep over studying most of the time.
*Graduated from college
*[Re]took the MCAT
*Tossed out job applications like a clown with balloons
*Traveled to Tamale, Ghana
*Discussed Sean Paul on a radio station for thousands of listeners [wait...what?!?]
*Saw one of my best friends get married. And had another get engaged
*Wrote 27,000+ words on a book idea
*Cried more than any other year that I can remember
*Rediscovered how much I love watercolors
*Listened to an embarrassing amount of country music
*Wrote articles on everything from colon cleansers to the evolution of cycling shoes
*Learned to trust God more and more in everything, every day, every step.
....and now I suppose I should come up with some sort of list of resolutions for this new year. but I"m feeling too lazy for that right now. I know that 2012 will hold many memories and opportunities that I can't even imagine right now. This makes me both excited and slightly nervous. I spent a good part of the first day of 2012 throwing up [virus, not alcohol], but I'm trusting that the rest of the year is significantly better :)
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